Holding Down the Fort

That's what Jaime has been doing for the last little while. Because I've been having a baby. Well not been having as in, actively, because that would be a really long labor, but having one. In my arms. On my boob. In the bassinet.

I've been holding down the fort here at home too. David's been at school a lot having projects and Army and such things. It's getting close to being the end of the year which also means China. So it's sort of like a crappy couple of weeks.

I'm experiencing anxiety for my first time as it's own independent thing. Usually I have depression coupled with anxiety. This time, it's just anxiety. The symptoms are much different. I have had post partum depression with both my kids but I don't have those same feelings this time around. I love the baby, I'm completely happy with her and everything that goes with it. It's the anxiety that is killing me. The shaking, the upset stomach, not being able to sleep, the fear of the near future, etc. I realize it's because David is leaving and I'm crossing my fingers and praying that it will get better once he leaves. Then I'm sure I will just cry a lot I'm sure. lol.

This baby is wonderful. She is an angel. I will update you more. I hope that you will share your stories. Hurry.

The Hospital Bag

This is quite possibly THE LAST day that I will be pregnant.
And you are the first to know. As in, the 5 of you that read this. Holla!

So what do you have packed for the hospital? Or what DID you pack when you went?

I kind of threw lots of things in the bag. Because at first, I wasn't even gonna have to have a bag. So the night before I went down for my first stripping, I hastily threw together a couple bags of crap.

In them I included such items as:

A million baby outfits
A million bows
Like 2 outfits for me (which was not enough for me spending the night at my sisters)
A giant pad (OMG. I have to SHOW you the pads David got me at the store. I asked for, you know, pads that are big for post pregnancy and I got the things that come right before you get to adult diaper status. Awesome crap I tell you).
Some nipple protectors
A bra
And my convenient travel bag that Davids mom gave me as a gift one year. Best present ever btw. It has samples of everything you'd ever need to go on a spur of the moment vaycay. Give it as a gift. Oooh. I'm gonna make a post about it and then I'm gonna hope that everyone Pinterests it so that I can get popular.

I didn't even bring wipes. Hopefully they will have some?

Hm... what were your must haves for el hospital?

Hiatus, from life?

I think Jaime is missing in action. It might be that she has been traveling all over the world, or maybe she is just not wanting to think about pregnancy.

I am not full term! 37 weeks! I'm sort of having a midlife crisis. Again. Does that surprise you? Things have changed as far as where I'm going to give birth. I feel uneasy. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to meet this little one and I can't wait to hold her and have her and love her. I just wish I knew when and where and how this was all gonna go.

I've texted both my mom and my sister, telling them I just want a C-section. I know deep down it's not true, I'm just tired and stressed and sad. 

I'm watching Desperate Housewives and and Bree was just driving and turning the steering wheel way too much to the left and to the right. I hate fake driving.

Do you want any of my stuff? I have WAY too much of it. I want to share it with you. I really am trying to go minimal. We only have 4 bowls. I keep trying to get rid of the 8 plastic plates and 19 cups we have. Only, my husband and kids keep finding more. I really think it will help with our dish problem.

Do you also hate that I shared that free link or whatever it was in the last post? Cause I think I still want to do that.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. Congrats to Hannah on her baby! Yay!

Repeat C-Section or VBAC? It's Your Choice, Not "Theirs"

This will be a serious one.

I posted this link today on Facebook and so far have only had 1 comment. Not that I think I'm exceptionally popular or what-not but I thought for sure it'd start some more discussion. Then I got to thinking (and really over-analyzing) and decided that I bet most of my friends are scared, just like this article talks about. Go read it if you haven't already.

My hubby and I were talking about it a little bit and he brought up such a great point after I said something about how society gives women who choose a ERCS (elective repeat cesarean sections) such a hard time for choosing that versus a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or sometimes called a TOLAC (trial of labor after C-section). Then he said, "But society gives women who choose the opposite a really hard time too" (speaking of home births). It kind of stopped me in my tracks. It's absolutely true.

Having had a C-Section (for a brow presentation baby, among other things) and then having a vaginal birth successfully, and NOW being pregnant once again, I'm being faced with a decision once again. Although a different kind of one. We're adding in the home birth choice too!

It's still SO hard for me to decide what to do. I've had a lot of pain this time around and am somewhat tired of it. I've thought about a C-section. After all, who would or could blame me? I'm STILL considering a home birth versus a hospital birth. Technically I'm not even a good candidate for a home birth because of the VBAC and I'll have to do it under the table so to speak. Which is lame. The midwife in my area is not allowed to see me as a patient if she knows I've had a VBAC. There are laws against it. REALLY? there are laws against my choice in how to birth? I'm an angry mama which is not good for me or my baby. lol

At my most recent doctors appoinment I had to sign my TOLAC waiver with all the risks and warnings of doing a VBAC. I can't wait to show it to you. Towards the bottom I had to initial such statements as, "I understand that having a VBAC presents less risk than a ERCS" And, "I understand that I am more likely to have success with a VBAC than a ERCS" and "I understand that that risk of uteren rupture is less than one percent" and "I understand that recovery will be less complicated with a VBAC than that of a ERCS". Just so you know, 60-80% of VBACs are successful [1].

That made me feel happy. And sad too because I sometime think we skip the fine print of all this ERCS versus VBAC. And that is, information! And options!

I'm not going to sit here and try and convince you to change your mind about either choice. I just want women to be informed! I mostly want women to realize that if they are seeing a doctor who refuses to do VBACs or lives near a hospital that won't do them either, that their choice as birthing woman is being taken away! The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) has issued guidelines stating that "[2]it “should be attempted in institutions equipped to respond to emergencies with physicians immediately available to provide emergency care.”[3] In practice, this translated into 24-hour in-house anesthesia and OB coverage, a requirement that often only large, tertiary hospitals could guarantee." Therefore many hospitals, including the one I live near have chosen to not to offer the option of it! In fact, after I visited my local hospital for the first emergency visit I had, I called the hospital to ask if they deliver VBACs there. The nurse i spoke to said this, "I haven't seen a VBAC here in at least 16 years.". I then called a doctor in the area and at first was told that no, this doctor did not deliver VBACs. I then added that I have already had a successful one. She put me on hold and after several minutes came back on the line and said, "Yes, he'll see you as a patient if you've had a previous successful VBAC" then added that I'd need to come in to be seen first.

The second time I went to this same hospital, it was as if I was a leper. They asked me who my doctor was. I said I didn't have one here because I am a VBAC patient. "Oooooh", they would all say and not even ask more questions. So then I asked one nurse why it was that they didn't offer them there. She said it was because of things like, funding, and the problem with not having a 24 hour anesthesiologist, etc. But she didn't really know! This is where the problem lies! Let us be informed!

With my second baby, I was pretty determined to try a TOLAC and went on an adventure to find a doctor in the Phoenix/Mesa area that would take me as a patient. My sister used a resource she had to ask around and recieved only 2 referrals for doctors. I called the first and she only took 2 VBAC patients a month. And that quota had been filled. That's when I found Dr. Kells at Boojum Obstetrics. He did my 2nd and he's been my doctor for this pregnancy as well. But should it be this hard?

I guess I'm feeling frustrated at my lack of options and choices. I live in Paulden. I'm 45 minutes from the nearest hospital which doesn't even technically do VBACS. So then my choice is to go to a hospital 2.5 hours away to deliver with my current doctor which would be fine if all goes well and I'm overdue and have my membranes stripped (as it was with my 2nd baby). But what if that doesn't happen? I also don't really have the option to do a HBAC (home birth after C-section) because in the state of Arizona, I can't even have a midwife! I'm lucky enough to have a friend who is studying to become a midwife and has offered her services to me. I also have a sister in law who is a nurse and has 5 kids of her own that I might ask to attend as well. But really? I have to go all Mission Impossible style just to have my baby the way I like! I like my friends recommendation. She said to deliver at home, and call the ambulance when I'm crowning. lol!

Anyway, this really turned into a jumbled mess. I really want to know what your thoughts are. Let's have a discussion here. Please?



[1] Mayoclinic.com VBAC. 04/30/10
[2] Stand and Deliver: Risk Calculus of VBAC and ERCS. 04/01/08
[3] ACOG Practice Bulletin No. 5, July 1999, “Vaginal Birth After Previous Cesarean Section.” According to the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN), over 300 hospitals have banned VBACs since 1999. ICAN is currently compiling a comprehensive list of the status of VBAC in every U.S. hospital. See ICAN's VBAC Policy Database.