My Three Year Old Lies

She totally does. It makes me so angry. Isn't that too young?

Today she lied over the course of 15 minutes.

I was walking up to the door with the baby on one arm and a handful of groceries in the other. The heavy groceries. Milk and eggs and such.

She slammed the door right as I got to it and when I came in said she didn't do it. She blamed Jackson who was in the living room under a blanket.

I kind of freaked out and sent her to her room. I didn't know what else to do in the moment. This is where you come in. How do I teach this concept of lying to her in a way that she can understand and grasp?

So then I set everything down and went in the room to feed my screaming baby. I came back out and half my soda was gone.

I asked who did it and they both said neither of them did it. So I told them they couldn't have snacks that we had just bought at the store. Jackson said "I didn't do it mommy. Maybe it was Jesus." lol. I laughed outloud. He's been talking a lot about Jesus lately. On a side note he asked me who made the bad things in the world. I told him it was Satan, or the devil. And so now he asks about Satan the Devil. lol. Again, I'm laughing outloud. It's cute. Anyway, Sadie continued to say she didn't do it and Jackson finally told me Sadie did it. And I believe him. Cause he isn't quite into the lying as much.

Please help me before I turn into the earthy human woman version of Satan the Devil.

Hiatus, from life?

I think Jaime is missing in action. It might be that she has been traveling all over the world, or maybe she is just not wanting to think about pregnancy.

I am not full term! 37 weeks! I'm sort of having a midlife crisis. Again. Does that surprise you? Things have changed as far as where I'm going to give birth. I feel uneasy. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to meet this little one and I can't wait to hold her and have her and love her. I just wish I knew when and where and how this was all gonna go.

I've texted both my mom and my sister, telling them I just want a C-section. I know deep down it's not true, I'm just tired and stressed and sad. 

I'm watching Desperate Housewives and and Bree was just driving and turning the steering wheel way too much to the left and to the right. I hate fake driving.

Do you want any of my stuff? I have WAY too much of it. I want to share it with you. I really am trying to go minimal. We only have 4 bowls. I keep trying to get rid of the 8 plastic plates and 19 cups we have. Only, my husband and kids keep finding more. I really think it will help with our dish problem.

Do you also hate that I shared that free link or whatever it was in the last post? Cause I think I still want to do that.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. Congrats to Hannah on her baby! Yay!

Weather Forecast: Baby Showers with a Chance of Bad RSVP'ers

I was feeling sick.
I went to BJ.
Nothing at all.

Just a few of the awesome excuses I heard for people not showing up at my baby shower. From people who has said they would be there and just didn't show up, or call, or text either. I'm sorry, but if my hungover friend can make it, so can you.

I present my feeling as anger but its really just a front for my sadness.

After all, we bought food for these people and cupcakes and favors! And I had it at a giant house because I was expecting a lot of people.

At least the food was awesome.  I'll link it up when I post over there about the good stuff.

This is definitely a mail drop in the complaint department.
I don't even want to mention numbers because it just makes me sad. My purpose with this shower was to have people I care about come and celebrate with me and to share their positive energy with me as I get through these next few weeks. I found out today I'm only 36 freakin weeks along. Ugh.

I should mention that the shower was awesome regardless of how many people were there. The food was amazing, and so was the location. And the people that came! I am thankful for good sisters who went to all ends to make it special for me. I am somewhat of a control freak so they deserve extra blessings for putting up with me.

Anyway, I can't wait for you to see the positive stuff that came out of it.

In the meantime, you should totally go get a free Tide Pods sample. Here is a link.

How To: Not _________ Your Family

The overwhelming desire to run walk hobble out my front door has almost completely taken over. I can't do it. I honestly cannot even face another day like this one.

It takes me 30 minutes PER KID to get them ready. That's not including myself. Let me tell you about this day today. Well no, I'll just tell you that we got the oldest child ready with underwear, pants, shoes AND socks on. And a shirt of course. 1 minute (no exaggeration) later, he peed his pants. It was 12 o'clock. WE have to leave at 12 to get him to school on time. So that was exciting.

Even before this, The Girl Child was having a good time pouring water back and forth between my fancy Ziploc plastic containers. I was sitting here watching her as she walked from the kitchen into the living room to put some water in a different plastic container. After she spilled the whole way, I asked her not to do that again. She DELIBERATELY looked at me as she walked (watching me and NOT where she was going) back to the kitchen spilling again. With a giant mischievous smile on her face.

The Girl Child was nice enough to get her brother a doughnut when we went to Safeway to pick up a prescription for my burning bladder. So we left the store and were driving home and I turned around and saw 2 doughnuts with the chocolate eaten off the top. Her brother wasn't in the car.

Tonight The Boy Child peed his pants again and The Girl Child drew on the wall with a king size Sharpie permanent marker. You might think it's funny but it just makes me cry.

And I'm gonna do this again?

Right.

Can you please buy me one of these? It would make me feel A LOT better.

NO pregnancy boobs?

Why won't pregnancy give me boobs?

I want big womanly breasts! I want a nice boobified profile!!

I've been waiting all my life for what I've got to grow up and fill out!

I'll breastfeed, so they'll have to make their way, but until then, I am a B-cup kind of pregnant girl.

And as soon as they do swell to beautimus proportions, I'm breastfeeding topless and in public. Because that's what you're supposed to do, right?

Gossip Girl

Do you NOT love this video?

So she's Gossip Girl. And so am I.

Not really. But I am going to act like her right now. Well, no i'm not. I'm just gonna rant a little bit. What's up with stalkers?

Like the people you know don't like you but stalk your Facebook page or your blog or your life? What do you do about them? Pretend they don't exist?

And why do you stalk people you don't like or talk to anymore? lol. We all do it.

I'm just wondering where the obsession with all of this comes from? Is that why Facebook and blogs and Twitter and Tumblr were all created? It's pretty easy to track someone down even if they've blocked you from viewing their "private" profile on Facebook. It's a guarantee you know someone who knows them. You know exactly how to casually ask, "Hey, how's that skank such-and-such doing?" except you don't use those kinds of names. Well hopefully anyway. Well hopefully you do.

The anger inside me is built up right now. My sister tells me anger is a disguised feeling of some underlying emotion, usually sadness, hurt or scaredness.

I wish I didn't have to wear ANYTHING with an elastic band for a waist. So that pretty much means i wish I didn't have to wear pants. Of any kind.  This might be contributing to my anger.

Not a lot of people know about this blog (YET) so it's safer than the super public one yet I know I'm being heard even if its only Jaime listening.

So there's some issues with some ladies I used to know.  One is super pissed at me because she thinks I spread rumors about her. It's completely untrue. I would totally feel more bad about it but I didn't do it. I just tried to write her on Facebook and I knew she wouldn't respond. But I know she got it! So it's irritating me. The other girl somewhat pretends that we're still friends because we have so many mutual ones. It's a weird situation. She's angry at me because I haven't come to see her baby. Which is totally legitimate. It's just kind of a long story. And then there's my mom who's pissed at me for asking someone else to host my baby shower because I got the distinct impression she didn't want to from various things she said to me. "I've hosted the last 2, isn't it your mother-in-laws turn?" There's more. But I'm just so grossed out really. I really try to figure out my part in these situations and even when I do I can't figure out why it's worth it for me to worry.

Whose blogs/Facebook pages/Twitters do you stalk? Don't lie. We know you do it.

The Pepto Bismol Song

What are those dang lyrics? Come to find out I've had them all wrong. I was always singing, "acid indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea". I knew I was missing something before that. Turns out the lyrics to the all famous Pepto Bismol commercial go like this: (well the important part):

:Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea"

It's 2 freakin 30 in the morning and that's what I'm looking up on the internet? Sounds shady to me. Well not if you're pregnant and miserable I guess. Ive pretty much had all these symptoms for all the months. But especially now. Any ladies with me? If not, you will be soon.

This post will definitely be a drop in the "complaint" department of the post office. Sorry.

I've never had it this bad. As in, this moment. I feel like I might be dying of a heart attack during some episodes. And then other times I get some relief when i let out a giant burp. I feel like this must be Gods punishment for... eating too much pizza? That's all I can figure because otherwise what is the point? Why would God allow this to happen to me? Lol.

A day later:

This is current time. I survived the night but not really well. I had an appointment with a doc in Phoenix that morning. I had to wake up at 6 a.m. to make it on time. There was no way. I was awake for 3 hours. Literally. No exaggeration. You know when you hear people say, "I was up all night with blah blah blah.." and really they were just in and out of sleep the whole night? No. For real I was wide awake. I would get up to get a drink of water, then lay down and almost vomit up fire, then I'd have to pee. Then I'd get another drink. Take some Tums, lay down, fire, pee, repeat. I even tried Tylenol. The pain all over my body was awful. Did I mention that I'm on my 4th UTI? It's so severe that it causes my uterus to be irritated and it extends to my back (kidneys). So all of this combined was not making for a happy night.

My sister, awesome that she is, after I told her I wasn't gonna make it for my appointment, called my doctors answering service (because the office is technically closed on Saturdays) and pretended to be me. She called me and said that if I could be there by 11, they'd totally see me. So we rushed. It was 8:30. We were out the door by 9 and my awesome husband made it there by 11. Fine. It was 11:10.

Anyway, this is becoming a long and drawn out sob story. Totally not my intention. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your suffering from all the crappy stuff.

Watch a cute version of the song here.