How To Cheat At Dishes

I cannot take credit for this. But I can take credit for using this idea.

We do have a dishwasher. But we are a small family. That's a lie. We have a family that doesn't do dishes enough. And 5 out of the 5 people don't like to do them. Well I can't speak for Nevie but knowing her, she will love doing them.

Anyway, I've gone minimalist when it comes to the amount of utensils we have. So if you use a bowl in the morning for cereal, chances are you won't have a bowl in the evening for ice cream. I'm not saying I eat ice cream.... its just hypothetical. 

Well my amazing mother in law does this:

1) Hand washes the dish.
2) Puts the dish in the dishwasher to dry.

Its so simple and convenient.  And super eco-friendly.

And this way you always know the dishes are clean. You also have an easy way to hide clean dishes if you have a surprise visitor. (Which I hate by the way. Lol)

How amazing is this? I don't know about you,  but I am excited about this because I don't have a lot of counter space, and because we are constantly doing dishes, it was getting cluttered. And looked ugly. What a neat solution!  Try it!

Ladies. And Gents. It's Time To Reveal To You

the new blog name.

It's probably gonna change again. But for now, this is what it is. I hope you all get this in your feeds. I'm gonna start inviting you all to post. It's time. Get on it. Let's get this train rolling again. We're gonna be famous via this lady blog.

Happy Birthday, Asher Grey!

Hi! I had my baby. I love him. Congrats to us! All our babies were born!! We should make friendship bracelets.
Well, I learned the difference between a midwife-delivery and a doctor-delivery. I freeeeaking hate the doctor one. But...not because of the doctor, but because of the nurses. I think it's the doctor setting that made it different. The mindset. Goal-oriented and scheduled. Omg. I hated this delivery. I can't even talk about it. Ok, I can, but I'm pretty in love with my child (the new one, the old one is being a butt! Well, at the moment he's playing "treasure" so that's cute. I award love by cuteness only.) Anyway, I'll share later about the poopy parts.
Right now? I love my Asher Grey. I love him. I love him!! He slept through most of the night last night and sleeps by himself just fine. What. Even if that changes tonight for forever, I will always be eeeever grateful of last night with him. But, just so you know, all I wanted was a sleeper. I believe I have one. And it is everything I hoped and dreamed it could possibly be! I am on a sleeper's high! And a baby high! And a life high!
Asher Grey.
June 26, 2012
4:27 am
7 pounds 2 ounces
19 3/4 inches long
ummmm....
oh! 13 total hours of labor. 3 freaking horrible ones.
PAINLESS contractions till seven centimeters!!
and then the wrath of a woman-hating god rained (reigned?) upon me.
and then a lovely baby came out.
and i made lots of sex sounds.
and i tore all the way down to my asshole.
good thing i'll never have sex again, because i am NEVER having another baby.

This little thing. I love him.

Love.

My Three Year Old Lies

She totally does. It makes me so angry. Isn't that too young?

Today she lied over the course of 15 minutes.

I was walking up to the door with the baby on one arm and a handful of groceries in the other. The heavy groceries. Milk and eggs and such.

She slammed the door right as I got to it and when I came in said she didn't do it. She blamed Jackson who was in the living room under a blanket.

I kind of freaked out and sent her to her room. I didn't know what else to do in the moment. This is where you come in. How do I teach this concept of lying to her in a way that she can understand and grasp?

So then I set everything down and went in the room to feed my screaming baby. I came back out and half my soda was gone.

I asked who did it and they both said neither of them did it. So I told them they couldn't have snacks that we had just bought at the store. Jackson said "I didn't do it mommy. Maybe it was Jesus." lol. I laughed outloud. He's been talking a lot about Jesus lately. On a side note he asked me who made the bad things in the world. I told him it was Satan, or the devil. And so now he asks about Satan the Devil. lol. Again, I'm laughing outloud. It's cute. Anyway, Sadie continued to say she didn't do it and Jackson finally told me Sadie did it. And I believe him. Cause he isn't quite into the lying as much.

Please help me before I turn into the earthy human woman version of Satan the Devil.

Sex!

Went to my 37-week appointment today. Dr's orders to have sex up to twice a day. We got home, Eli fell asleep. Andy played PS3. I fell asleep.
Now? Andy's sleeping.

Hello again!

Wow. Ok. It has been so long since I posted that the format has changed! Omg. Sorry.
My computer broke.
Got it fixed.
Then............I got busy. I wish I had Before pictures! But I do think I will put up After pictures. So you believe me. That I was busy. Busy busy busy. (That's from one of my favorite books...do you know which one? Busy busy busy.)
Here's some simple math for you (are you excited??): Spring cleaning + Nesting + just the right book = massive, Massive, MASSIVE home overhaul. Oh, it's big.
Ok, I know, pictures are necessary. One thing I think I might have found was the USB cord. What I'm saying is, no pictures now. But I will check for the cord tomorrow.
I have no qualms with saying I am just too damn tired to check for it now. I think I am 35 weeks pregnant or so and today was like 90 degrees and some ridiculous amount of humidity. Let's just say, I changed my shirt and underwear three times and was still drenched in sweat all day. I mean glowing with pregnant radiance. I mean glowing profusely.
And I've been Craigslisting every single piece of furniture I could do without.
Which means...I been makin moniiies!! WoooooO!
Oh, baby room? Huh. Not this time. It did not occur to me, actually. Because I know the baby will sleep with me or next to me in a laundry basket...I just didn't see the point, really, of pretending this baby will get a room. Because he sho don't care. And neither do I. But I have been making sure the house is in working order for summer days with a preschool-age kiddo and a newborn. I think I've got it figgered out. (I'm a little sleepy/loopy, so I feel I must type out exactly how I'm saying it. Apologies.)
Except in all this cleaning and sorting and donating and selling, I've forgotten how to cook and eat. Will someone help me? Please! Please come over here and cook something normal and balanced for my child and me to eat. I am NOT a natural cooker (or eater when I get busy or when it gets hot or like.....now), so when I forget my foodstuff rituals, I forget EVERYTHING. Like, we've been eating apples, bananas, poptarts, cereal......is that it? Pretty much. Spaghetti. Toast. And that's it. Like lame old college days food. My poor child thinks this is what people eat. I even have a crockpot! I don't know. I don't know. I need a culinary angel to save the day! Or maybe I should just open a cookbook. Ugh.
Cookbooks. Phooey.
Ok. Good night!!

Hospital Bag

Yay! We have another guest post from Jess from The Fox Thoughts. She is best. Make sure you follow her blog because she is funny and wonderful.

What's in your baggage? I'll tell you mine....and even show you!

I have my hospital bag ready-- per Doctor's orders. I didn't have one when I went into labor with Jaden. So with preterm labor, I am now prepared!

THE BAGGAGE

For Baby:

*Car seat

*Boppy

*2 blankets

*2-3 outfits

*2 pajamas

(My hospital will give you hats, diapers, wipes, white onesies & care items)

For Me:

*Birth Plan, Insurance info

*Travel size toiletries (shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, toothbrush, etc)

*Basic makeup (foundation, mascara, & lipgloss)

*Hair brush, headband, & hair tie

*Socks & slippers

*3-5 pairs of stretchy underwear (I refuse to wear those sexy mesh disposable ones!)

*2 nursing tank tops & nursing bras & comfortable pj pants

*Nursing pads (I'm picky) & other kind of pads

*Comfortable going home outfit

*CHAPSTICK!!

*Uno, coloring book & crayons, laptop (with charger)



For Jason:

*Snacks! & Energy Drinks (trailmix, snack bars, chocolate, crackers, gum, mints, etc)

*Toothbrush & Deodorant

*Change of clothes, underwear, and socks

*A book

*Camera

Grunts and Groans

I'm listening to that sweet sound of my almost four week old trying to cause an explosion in her pants. Which she most likely will be successul at doing. It's a nice sound really. Oh wait. Except that I'm at Wal mart, in the parking lot, in the car, with a sleeping monster of a 3 year old. So guess what? That explosion will have to wait. Because I ain't about to....Yup..... I just heard it come out. Are you seriously grossed out yet?

I forgot about all these fun adventures. Oh my gosh. I wish you could hear this man, I mean girl. She is seriously so masculine when it comes to her noises. People look at me like I did it.

Anyway, I am done.

Holding Down the Fort

That's what Jaime has been doing for the last little while. Because I've been having a baby. Well not been having as in, actively, because that would be a really long labor, but having one. In my arms. On my boob. In the bassinet.

I've been holding down the fort here at home too. David's been at school a lot having projects and Army and such things. It's getting close to being the end of the year which also means China. So it's sort of like a crappy couple of weeks.

I'm experiencing anxiety for my first time as it's own independent thing. Usually I have depression coupled with anxiety. This time, it's just anxiety. The symptoms are much different. I have had post partum depression with both my kids but I don't have those same feelings this time around. I love the baby, I'm completely happy with her and everything that goes with it. It's the anxiety that is killing me. The shaking, the upset stomach, not being able to sleep, the fear of the near future, etc. I realize it's because David is leaving and I'm crossing my fingers and praying that it will get better once he leaves. Then I'm sure I will just cry a lot I'm sure. lol.

This baby is wonderful. She is an angel. I will update you more. I hope that you will share your stories. Hurry.

Earth Day

Happy Earth Day!

What did you do to celebrate?
I had plans, but we did not end up doing uuuuuuuh much. At all.
We were going to plant our seedlings, some sunflowers, and make blue and green cupcakes. Alas, it rained all weekend and my motivation waned considerably. Plus it's supposed to freeze overnight and not be warm all week, so it's a bad time to plant. So, later we will plant. Plus, maybe I'll have a tree-ling to plant later this week.
Also, we recycle.

School

I put my son in a daycare/preschool Monday through Wednesday from 9ish to 3ish. I hate it.

I love the school. I love the kids. We walk everyday to get there and he loves it.

Cannot.....manage.....mornings.

I remember now...the hardest part of going to school for me was getting there. If I could make it to class, I was golden. But if I hit snooze once, it was all over. Lost cause.

First week at his preschool, I was showered and made up and Eli was even wearing matching stuff. Week two is proving much more difficult. I feel like I know these people now, so what have I got to prove? They take care of my kid all day--that practically makes them family! I don't need to make myself byoo-tee-full for family! And so, I am slowly (but not so slowly really) talking myself into a slovenly downward spiral. Today, I had on cat-hairy pants that I tape-rolled...but they were not clean by most/any/all standards. I hadn't showered since some time this weekend. I can't remember. Probably pre-weekend.

Oh, man.

By next week....what will become of me? Of us?

Obviously, I need to devise devices PeeWeeHerman style to save time and add some awesomeness to our mornings. I need a system that will make mornings less horrible for me. I think the only way this could happen is through some sort of ingenious trickery. I need to think it's nighttime and I'm actually staying up late and this is what all the cool kids are doing.

Well, I don't know how my pregnant body is functioning. I literally got two hours of sleep last night and did a lot of cleaning and hustling and bustling all day. I know how I'm up. Because I love the night life. I'm rambling. This is my cue to stop typing and start posting.

Oh, Baby!

Well, alright. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. I'm not sick of it. My pregnancy is pleasant. I am as ready for this baby as I will be in two months...when I am due. But what I am ready for is is to be cute and skinny(ish) again. Summer is almost here!

I want to wear dresses!

Paint my toenails without losing my breath!

See my feet without kicking them out in front of me!

See my...area again!

Sleep on my back!

Have regular sex! (Or have sex regularly!!)

Eat pie and not be concerned with my bloodsugar level!

Need I mention the copious amounts of coffee I miss? Of alcohol? Drugs?!

Well, just kidding.

But I'd like the option to only hurt myself and not a little baby.

I want to ride a roller coaster, go to a loud concert, shoot guns, ride a horse, drive recklessly, run races, hang out in a jacuzzi, get a lay-down massage, ride a wave-runner, jump!! I want to bend over in a normal way that I don't even think about. To sit in a normal way and not have to lean back to make room for my legs to move. I want to not make jokes about my growing body.

I mostly just want to look cute. And for people to go, "You did NOT just have this gorgeous, sweet, mellow, sleeping-through-the-night baby! You look so skinny!" And I'll just smile at my baby and only he will know what grueling hell he put me through. Well, him and every mom who's been pregnant and labored for their baby. And I mean grueling hell in a totally shallow way...he's been a wonderful fetus. Can't knock that.

Ok.

Now you know where I stand. Me and this baby. Whose due date is June 28.

The Hospital Bag

This is quite possibly THE LAST day that I will be pregnant.
And you are the first to know. As in, the 5 of you that read this. Holla!

So what do you have packed for the hospital? Or what DID you pack when you went?

I kind of threw lots of things in the bag. Because at first, I wasn't even gonna have to have a bag. So the night before I went down for my first stripping, I hastily threw together a couple bags of crap.

In them I included such items as:

A million baby outfits
A million bows
Like 2 outfits for me (which was not enough for me spending the night at my sisters)
A giant pad (OMG. I have to SHOW you the pads David got me at the store. I asked for, you know, pads that are big for post pregnancy and I got the things that come right before you get to adult diaper status. Awesome crap I tell you).
Some nipple protectors
A bra
And my convenient travel bag that Davids mom gave me as a gift one year. Best present ever btw. It has samples of everything you'd ever need to go on a spur of the moment vaycay. Give it as a gift. Oooh. I'm gonna make a post about it and then I'm gonna hope that everyone Pinterests it so that I can get popular.

I didn't even bring wipes. Hopefully they will have some?

Hm... what were your must haves for el hospital?

The Secret

Me and my son have been really busy with crafts and projects and bragging about it on facebook.

Or so it seems.

But can I tell you my secret?

It's a big one.

I sleep till noon. Every. Day.
I can't get to sleep before 2:30 in the morning, and I don't even try to get up at a decent hour. I just let the dog out, feed Eli, and sleep on the couch. I am almost sure the mailman knows I do this because I wake up right after he stops by. (To deliver mail! Get your mind out the gutter!) He makes lots of noise. I am sure it is unneccesary and aimed only at pissing me off.

The secret to this is Netflix and a no-tolerance policy for waking me up.

So I get up, shower, and feel sorta guilty for wasting the whole morning, so me and Eli do some crappy craft idea. Or a really good one from Pinterest. Or we just hang out outside so that by the time the hubs gets home, he assumes we've been outside all day! And why would I tell him otherwise?

So that's it. My secret. A big one. A bad one. One that I actually don't feel guilty about, but I would like to see the morning once in a while.

I will share some pictures of what I get done.

Oh, and I plan for this. I have lists of things to do for me and Eli so there's no scrambling on my part. When Andy gets home, he needs to think how hard I work and wonders how I do it all. And he does. Boys are so stupid!!


Well, speaking of stupid, I can't find the cord to transfer pictures over. So I'll put up pictures I've posted to facebook.

It's So Hard To Be Popular

I just finished writing a post on my home blog about being married to the popular kid.

It's hard to get there though. And hard to BE there. In the popular spot. Which is part of the reason why I haven't pushed this blog as much as id like. Because it takes work!

I'd really like to be there eventually. And I know that sounds so lame and totally high schoolish but i want women (and men too if they want) to have a place to write and turn to for the real deal when it comes to pregnancy and raising kiddos.

I'm still pregnant. Probably will be for a couple weeks. I found a group on Facebook that is totally what I need and can't wait to be involved in. I'll share more about that later though.

So send us some blog posts! I have loved everything everyone has said so far and want more! Get on it.

Let It Be...

I don't have a baby yet.

I sort of had a feeling too.

Then I let people and my mind convince me otherwise.

I should've trusted my instincts. Babies will come when they will come.

I went to Phoenix on Friday for an appt and then again on Saturday to get my membranes stripped. My doc was upset in his dry humorish way that i was having this done when he was not on call (because I'm a VBAC he has to be at the hospital). He did it anyway. I'm 39 weeks and on Saturday was dialated to a 3-4 and 70% effaced.

David and I hung out together. I went to my sisters and did all the things I was supposed to do. Walked-ish, black and blue cohosh, oh and sex the night before. TMI? I woke David up and told him to get it up. Literally. Lol. TMI again?

But here i am. It's Sunday night and I am at home with my regular Braxton Hicks and a lot more leakage. TMI AGAIN! But whatever, this is a pregnancy blog right?

I could really use some positive thoughts.

I have felt frustrated because everyone sort of planned and did their weekend around me. I did say though, and check your texts friends, that I didn't think it was gonna happen this weekend. Hm. I've been wrong before though and there is still an hour and a half left of Sunday.

But really women, trust your instincts. Even if you desire one thing, there are just some rules that can't be broken with positive thoughts or cohosh.

This little one will come when she is ready and I'm so ready for me to be ready when she is ready. Lol. 

I just took my dog for a walk. We left at 8:30, so it's dark. I figure, I'm a grown up, no one knows by looking at me that I pretty much have no idea where I am, and I have a dog. And a phone. Safe.

But creepy things happened.

Sophie (doggie) decides we must stop at this old abandoned house to smell the grass. I look at the house...it's fine. But across the street, this little scene is happening: a guy is standing at the edge of his garage and there's a strobe light going off in there and once in a while it flashes red or green. He's got horrible greasy-curly hair pulled back in a little shitty pony tail. He's wearing a collared jacket and has a weird stoop not unlike the Joker. By not unlike I mean exactly like the Joker. So I look around to make it seem like I accidentally see him instead of how I'm sort of staring, he's looking down and then slowly looks up at me and cocks his head in that weird way. I hate him. He's scaring me. Then he closes the garage. Now I'm terrified for whoever is tied up in there. So, obviously, me and Sophie move on.

Then the leaves start blowing uphill. And I walk as fast as I can. And this is a steep hill! But I mean, the wind is blowing, so what's the big deal, right? Then I get to the corner to take a break and let Sophie smell the Almighty Stop Sign. A runner passes by and I'm reminded to take a giant chill pill because if people are running, everything is ok. I mean if people are exercising, then things aren't out of hand.

Anyway, so we start walking. We pass this house and Sophie needs to smell. As I'm standing there, this weird, chickeny sound starts cawing and screeching from inside this house! It's a bird sound, but I have no idea what it was. And it wasn't panicked, just strange and probably telling me that this night has bad things in store for me.

At this point, I'm just waiting for some dude in Army boots and a trench coat to start chasing me or for a house to explode just to break the tenion between me and this night.

I'm home.

And safe.

But I will not sleep tonight.

I Take It Back!

Yes. I take back my blog from the other day. I take back the happiness 100%. Except for whatever I said about Eli. He's still on my good side.

After I woke up and the homecoming feeling wore off, in the light of day I took closer inspection of the house. So my husband prepared me for a clean and upkept house, that's what I expected. Silly me. Silly me. Ohhhhhhhhh for shaaaaaaame! The house was in the kind of condition you would expect when you left for a while and left teenagers in charge. Only last minute cleaning. And ALL of it is done wrong. As in, I had to rewash all laundry because a) none of it was folded and b) none of it was all the way dry. Cool. I already had planned on doing thirteen extra loads to wash all of Eli's baby clothes, but now I have to rewash like seven loads plus blankets that were clean but left out for the cats to lay all over for a month. Seriously upsetting.

Also, we have wood floors. Wood floors and three cats is A LOT of hairs. They are gross and get everywhere and stay in only the most annoying places. Basically, like twice a week all the furniture needs moved to sweep under it. Can you guess? Andy has done this zero times. And he didn't do the stairs. I cannot express to you enough just how freaking disgusting this is. Like, I'm afraid I'll get arrested!! So I've been sweeping a lot (like with a broom) and moving furniture. Because my husband PROMISED me he cleaned so well.

I am not a picky girl! But clean means clean.

So all afternoon yesterday, I cleaned out the basement, purging style like how he was supposed to while I was gone because it's not really pregnant work. I threw everything away. Everything was disgusting! Of the baby stuff that I kept, it all needs hosed down. And maybe this is just bitching, but it's gross because my darling husband (i'm just going to pretend he's gay from now on. So he's not my business anymore.) put all the baby stuff under the open stairs next to the litter boxes. Do you know what I mean by under the open stairs? That's where all the dirt in the world goes to hang out forever. And lots and lots of spiders. And the litterboxes (two) are there, so everything smells like ammonia and is coating in litter. The reason I did not move the baby stuff sooner is because it was hidden behind even more ridiculous stuff and I just didn't notice it. But the basement needs wiped clean out before summer or else everything will get moldy because it's an unfinished basement in a super humid place.

This is a lot of talking.

Even though I'm still angry for marrying such a poop, I'll digress.

Siiiiiiiigh......

Happytime Blogging

I am happy because I came home to

*a house that smelled normal (not expected)
*a very beautful new purse for my birthday!!
*some presents I sent myself while I was gone.
*happy kitties (who are now contentedly purring nearby!!)
*springtime daffodils in the backyard!

At this moment, Eli is sleeping, Andy is sleeping and I am listening to the clock ticking...one of my favorite sounds. All the blankets, towels, rugs, and clothes are clean and most of the dishes are done...and I didn't do any of it. The fridge is in desperate need of refilling. Shopping tomorrow. Everything is lovely and clean and quiet.

Poor Eli has been through a billion time changes in the last month--including the "spring forward" time change! (Whatever that means!) I am relieved and proud of him for being in bed by 11:00, our own time. That means 10:00 Illinois time and 8:00 (I think) Arizona time. Pretty good, right? My nice boy.

And, listen to this, we did the drive from Illinois to Pennsylvania today. With. No. Electronics. What I mean is minimal music, no DVD player (our fail-safe), no phone apps or NintendoDS (we don't have one, but you know), or any secret, technological distractions. Eli talked. And talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. He slept, ate, and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. He came out of his little shell this trip. Talking like this is brand new and completely welcome. And he's funny. And has a pretty adorable lisp. Or speech impediment. Or cute way of speaking, whatever. I said, "Stop." He says, "No stop. Aye-yaye," as he points to himself. Translation: "I'm not Stop. I'm Eli." And things don't "smell," they "mouse." See??? Frakking adorable. I want to die. Happily. "Ee mouse icky." As we passed lots of cow shit. Isn't that cute? Do you hate me? It's ok. I welcome your hatred. Because sometimes being a mommy really actually surpasses all.

Ugh! Ok! Enough of that. This isn't a diary. Well, I'm just happy to be home and relaxing. I just wish I already brushed my teeth.

Night night.

Swankles

It's copyrighted. Or it should be: swollen ankles = Swankles. I made it up.

That's not how my feet normally look. My broken right foot swells so much more than my left. I didn't have this problem with Sadie. I did with Jackson.

Do you get swollen? Are you now? What are your favorite shoes to wear when this unfortunate event happens?