Pitty-Potty-Party

This guest post comes from Jess or Jessi if you aren't her true friend. Just kidding. Jessi has been a good friend of Lisa's for like, ever. More than 10 years. They've been pregnant together 2 times and are pretty much awesome together. Jess is a model, a mom and more! A model mom? We are so lucky and privileged to hear from her. You can hear more stories like this from her over at The Fox Thoughts.


1- Do you sneeze and pee your pants? (even if you cross your legs to "hold it")
2- Do you cough and pee?
3- Do you laugh and pee a little?
4- Do you yell at your child, animal, TV or any technology, etc and you still pee?



                                      (Isn't that picture funny? I couldn't resist posting!)

Well.... if you answered yes to any of the above you must be pregnant and you are entitled to a freaking pitty-potty-party!! If you haven't, well then you are just one of the lucky ones.

As a teenager, I would listen to my mom's friends and my grandma talk about their pregnancy nightmares. My jaw would always drop when they would talk about peeing themselves. Are you effing kidding me? This really happens? I always worried about this because I have a pea-sized bladder. Then it happened. I was pregnant with my first son (third trimester if that matters) while at work when a lovely sneeze attack hit me...I felt my bladder weaken with each sneeze... "Oh shit! Did I just pee or ....?!" I looked down and faced a nightmare. Yes, I did just pee myself while at work. Being the only one there, I couldn't leave. I called my super sister and luckily, she came to my rescue with some fresh panties, pants and some chocolate. I love her. And she still reminds me of this. Isn't she sweet? LOL

A few weeks ago, I woke up with horrible congestion and a chest cold. I couldn't breathe. I'd sniff the little snotties and tinkle... and then cough and tinkle again...sneeze and tinkle ... Ugh. I messaged Lisa. "Seriously, does this happen? Or am I just a freak?" Lol So funny. Whenever I sneeze, cough, laugh, yell, or even drive over the bumps in the road, it's followed by a loud "dammit to hell!" my sweet lover will ask, "What's wrong? Did you pee again?" Ughhh. So embarrassing and awkward. My little baby likes to kick and punch my bladder which also makes me pee. This never ends.

I assure you, you are not a freak. Pee happens! On a good note, I've become a cold blooded bathroom hunter no matter the location. I can spot the 'Restroom' sign from across the store. That's talent. I am learning to control when I choose to yell at my almost 5 year old. Yelling = peeing. You can do Kegals to help with this glamorous gift of pregnancy.

If you pee yourself, eat some chocolate, drink your favorite soda, change your panties, and know that we all do this at some point. :)

                                                There ain't no shame in my game! Ha ha!

Baby #2 is....

So this is my news for the day!
(Jaime's news)

How To: Not _________ Your Family

The overwhelming desire to run walk hobble out my front door has almost completely taken over. I can't do it. I honestly cannot even face another day like this one.

It takes me 30 minutes PER KID to get them ready. That's not including myself. Let me tell you about this day today. Well no, I'll just tell you that we got the oldest child ready with underwear, pants, shoes AND socks on. And a shirt of course. 1 minute (no exaggeration) later, he peed his pants. It was 12 o'clock. WE have to leave at 12 to get him to school on time. So that was exciting.

Even before this, The Girl Child was having a good time pouring water back and forth between my fancy Ziploc plastic containers. I was sitting here watching her as she walked from the kitchen into the living room to put some water in a different plastic container. After she spilled the whole way, I asked her not to do that again. She DELIBERATELY looked at me as she walked (watching me and NOT where she was going) back to the kitchen spilling again. With a giant mischievous smile on her face.

The Girl Child was nice enough to get her brother a doughnut when we went to Safeway to pick up a prescription for my burning bladder. So we left the store and were driving home and I turned around and saw 2 doughnuts with the chocolate eaten off the top. Her brother wasn't in the car.

Tonight The Boy Child peed his pants again and The Girl Child drew on the wall with a king size Sharpie permanent marker. You might think it's funny but it just makes me cry.

And I'm gonna do this again?

Right.

Can you please buy me one of these? It would make me feel A LOT better.

Repeat C-Section or VBAC? It's Your Choice, Not "Theirs"

This will be a serious one.

I posted this link today on Facebook and so far have only had 1 comment. Not that I think I'm exceptionally popular or what-not but I thought for sure it'd start some more discussion. Then I got to thinking (and really over-analyzing) and decided that I bet most of my friends are scared, just like this article talks about. Go read it if you haven't already.

My hubby and I were talking about it a little bit and he brought up such a great point after I said something about how society gives women who choose a ERCS (elective repeat cesarean sections) such a hard time for choosing that versus a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or sometimes called a TOLAC (trial of labor after C-section). Then he said, "But society gives women who choose the opposite a really hard time too" (speaking of home births). It kind of stopped me in my tracks. It's absolutely true.

Having had a C-Section (for a brow presentation baby, among other things) and then having a vaginal birth successfully, and NOW being pregnant once again, I'm being faced with a decision once again. Although a different kind of one. We're adding in the home birth choice too!

It's still SO hard for me to decide what to do. I've had a lot of pain this time around and am somewhat tired of it. I've thought about a C-section. After all, who would or could blame me? I'm STILL considering a home birth versus a hospital birth. Technically I'm not even a good candidate for a home birth because of the VBAC and I'll have to do it under the table so to speak. Which is lame. The midwife in my area is not allowed to see me as a patient if she knows I've had a VBAC. There are laws against it. REALLY? there are laws against my choice in how to birth? I'm an angry mama which is not good for me or my baby. lol

At my most recent doctors appoinment I had to sign my TOLAC waiver with all the risks and warnings of doing a VBAC. I can't wait to show it to you. Towards the bottom I had to initial such statements as, "I understand that having a VBAC presents less risk than a ERCS" And, "I understand that I am more likely to have success with a VBAC than a ERCS" and "I understand that that risk of uteren rupture is less than one percent" and "I understand that recovery will be less complicated with a VBAC than that of a ERCS". Just so you know, 60-80% of VBACs are successful [1].

That made me feel happy. And sad too because I sometime think we skip the fine print of all this ERCS versus VBAC. And that is, information! And options!

I'm not going to sit here and try and convince you to change your mind about either choice. I just want women to be informed! I mostly want women to realize that if they are seeing a doctor who refuses to do VBACs or lives near a hospital that won't do them either, that their choice as birthing woman is being taken away! The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) has issued guidelines stating that "[2]it “should be attempted in institutions equipped to respond to emergencies with physicians immediately available to provide emergency care.”[3] In practice, this translated into 24-hour in-house anesthesia and OB coverage, a requirement that often only large, tertiary hospitals could guarantee." Therefore many hospitals, including the one I live near have chosen to not to offer the option of it! In fact, after I visited my local hospital for the first emergency visit I had, I called the hospital to ask if they deliver VBACs there. The nurse i spoke to said this, "I haven't seen a VBAC here in at least 16 years.". I then called a doctor in the area and at first was told that no, this doctor did not deliver VBACs. I then added that I have already had a successful one. She put me on hold and after several minutes came back on the line and said, "Yes, he'll see you as a patient if you've had a previous successful VBAC" then added that I'd need to come in to be seen first.

The second time I went to this same hospital, it was as if I was a leper. They asked me who my doctor was. I said I didn't have one here because I am a VBAC patient. "Oooooh", they would all say and not even ask more questions. So then I asked one nurse why it was that they didn't offer them there. She said it was because of things like, funding, and the problem with not having a 24 hour anesthesiologist, etc. But she didn't really know! This is where the problem lies! Let us be informed!

With my second baby, I was pretty determined to try a TOLAC and went on an adventure to find a doctor in the Phoenix/Mesa area that would take me as a patient. My sister used a resource she had to ask around and recieved only 2 referrals for doctors. I called the first and she only took 2 VBAC patients a month. And that quota had been filled. That's when I found Dr. Kells at Boojum Obstetrics. He did my 2nd and he's been my doctor for this pregnancy as well. But should it be this hard?

I guess I'm feeling frustrated at my lack of options and choices. I live in Paulden. I'm 45 minutes from the nearest hospital which doesn't even technically do VBACS. So then my choice is to go to a hospital 2.5 hours away to deliver with my current doctor which would be fine if all goes well and I'm overdue and have my membranes stripped (as it was with my 2nd baby). But what if that doesn't happen? I also don't really have the option to do a HBAC (home birth after C-section) because in the state of Arizona, I can't even have a midwife! I'm lucky enough to have a friend who is studying to become a midwife and has offered her services to me. I also have a sister in law who is a nurse and has 5 kids of her own that I might ask to attend as well. But really? I have to go all Mission Impossible style just to have my baby the way I like! I like my friends recommendation. She said to deliver at home, and call the ambulance when I'm crowning. lol!

Anyway, this really turned into a jumbled mess. I really want to know what your thoughts are. Let's have a discussion here. Please?



[1] Mayoclinic.com VBAC. 04/30/10
[2] Stand and Deliver: Risk Calculus of VBAC and ERCS. 04/01/08
[3] ACOG Practice Bulletin No. 5, July 1999, “Vaginal Birth After Previous Cesarean Section.” According to the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN), over 300 hospitals have banned VBACs since 1999. ICAN is currently compiling a comprehensive list of the status of VBAC in every U.S. hospital. See ICAN's VBAC Policy Database.

NO pregnancy boobs?

Why won't pregnancy give me boobs?

I want big womanly breasts! I want a nice boobified profile!!

I've been waiting all my life for what I've got to grow up and fill out!

I'll breastfeed, so they'll have to make their way, but until then, I am a B-cup kind of pregnant girl.

And as soon as they do swell to beautimus proportions, I'm breastfeeding topless and in public. Because that's what you're supposed to do, right?

Gas-gasm

We've got our first guest poster and we're thrilled. Terina from The Maldonado's is a friend of mine (Lisa's) from childhood. If you consider childhood your teenage years. She has red hair and so do I therefore she's pretty much awesome on my scale. Enjoy! And thanks Terina!

You know what I absolutely love the most about being pregnant?  (When I say love really I mean the thing I completely hate)  Gas.  You know how it just happens, if you’re like me, all the time.  I’ve turned into that nasty old person I hate at the grocery store.  I happily let one rip while picking my produce, because if it’s coming out, it’s not going to make me miserable staying in!  I’ve gotten to the point, I don’t care if it smells, if people hear me, or know it’s me, I just don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t let it out.  Yeah I’ve gotten to be nasty like that.  And no, I don’t care, and I don’t care what you think about that. 

If you’ve ever been pregnant you probably understand why.  If you’ve never been pregnant or were just lucky enough to not have miserable gas let me tell you why I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about me as long as the gas is coming out.

If it doesn’t come out it’s staying in!  Let me tell you a little what that feels like.  A little like someone crammed a giant ball into your stomach (let us not forget there is already a baby growing in there taking up the majority of the room, so this ball is in addition to the uterus containing the human you are growing).  It is covered in acid that is eating you alive from the inside out.  You know the only way to alleviate the pain caused by the giant acid bomb is to burp or fart.  So that’s pretty much all you want to do in life is burp or fart.  Every move you make hurts, laying down, sitting, pretty much just being alive.  You start to feel a little unhuman as your body is being taken over by the pain.   As this giant ball moves it hurts more, in other places.  You feel it moving and know relief has to be coming, it’s working its way out.

Finally the point comes where you just let one rip.  A giant fart that would make any hillbilly proud.  This is what I call a gas-gasm.  Why?  Because it’s a little reminiscent of an orgasm.  How in the world is passing gas, like an orgasm?  Well let me tell you.  You have to build up to an orgasm, you build up to it, you feel it coming, and you can’t wait for it.  Then all of the sudden….WHAM!  Best feeling EVER!!!  You might even sigh or let out a light moan after.  Oh the joy of an orgasm.  Same with pregnant gas.  It builds up, you can feel it coming, and you just can’t wait for it.  The RIPPPPP!  Best feeling EVER!!!!  No more pain.  You’re human again.  You might even let out a sigh, or little moan of relief.  You just had a gas-gasm!

Now if only orgasms could occur as often during pregnancy as gas-gasms do, that would be lovely now wouldn’t it!!!!

Valentine's Day Bummer

How was your Valentine's Day? Oh? That good? How wonderful for you. I'm truly happy for you. So so so ........... so happy. For you.
I'm sure we're all pretty equally cynical about this day. Which really we all know just means we all jealous of happy people!
But that's not what I'm writing about!
I won't tell you how my husband promised me since last week that I'm getting something so cool. So you won't know how he came home from work early, took a nap, and when I asked him where my present is (I don't ever beat around the bush), he told me. Oh! But I'm not telling you, am I? Right. So I definitely won't tell you that he needed to go pick it up, but he just never has enough time.
Probably for this.

(This is one thing that Valentine's Day is very good for. We all know it's coming. Make the freaking time. Even if it's for socks.)
Obviously, he doesn't have anything for me, right? Or he really does but is sooo busy. Well, here's a secret: I'm married to him. I know just how much time he has or doesn't have. Guess what? He HAS time. He's busy, but has a very regular schedule. Like an old man.
I guess I'm sharing now.
But where are my socks?
So Andy goes to class and chats me on facebook. He just ordered my present.
........
Oh, and not just any present, he just ordered me my Valentine/Birthday present. Phew! Two birds with one stone! Way to go, Slick. Does he really think a late V-Day gift counts as a birthday gift too? My birthday is March 1.
What do you think he got me?

BUT, if he upgraded the broom to a Roomba, I could actually make this happen: (!!!)



Or maybe he got me some of this:

Anyway, I ordered heart-shaped pizza for me and Eli and Andy. And I gave Eli his Inside-Out-Boy pajamas for Valentine's Day. I'll have pictures for that....soooooon. I promise!!
I really wish I had friends close by! Lisa! So days like this don't suck so hard. I forgot to make it fun with/for Eli too. So now I feel guilty.

Wow, this is the worst post ever!