Hi! I had my baby. I love him. Congrats to us! All our babies were born!! We should make friendship bracelets.
Well, I learned the difference between a midwife-delivery and a doctor-delivery. I freeeeaking hate the doctor one. But...not because of the doctor, but because of the nurses. I think it's the doctor setting that made it different. The mindset. Goal-oriented and scheduled. Omg. I hated this delivery. I can't even talk about it. Ok, I can, but I'm pretty in love with my child (the new one, the old one is being a butt! Well, at the moment he's playing "treasure" so that's cute. I award love by cuteness only.) Anyway, I'll share later about the poopy parts.
Right now? I love my Asher Grey. I love him. I love him!! He slept through most of the night last night and sleeps by himself just fine. What. Even if that changes tonight for forever, I will always be eeeever grateful of last night with him. But, just so you know, all I wanted was a sleeper. I believe I have one. And it is everything I hoped and dreamed it could possibly be! I am on a sleeper's high! And a baby high! And a life high!
Asher Grey.
June 26, 2012
4:27 am
7 pounds 2 ounces
19 3/4 inches long
ummmm....
oh! 13 total hours of labor. 3 freaking horrible ones.
PAINLESS contractions till seven centimeters!!
and then the wrath of a woman-hating god rained (reigned?) upon me.
and then a lovely baby came out.
and i made lots of sex sounds.
and i tore all the way down to my asshole.
good thing i'll never have sex again, because i am NEVER having another baby.
She totally does. It makes me so angry. Isn't that too young?
Today she lied over the course of 15 minutes.
I was walking up to the door with the baby on one arm and a handful of groceries in the other. The heavy groceries. Milk and eggs and such.
She slammed the door right as I got to it and when I came in said she didn't do it. She blamed Jackson who was in the living room under a blanket.
I kind of freaked out and sent her to her room. I didn't know what else to do in the moment. This is where you come in. How do I teach this concept of lying to her in a way that she can understand and grasp?
So then I set everything down and went in the room to feed my screaming baby. I came back out and half my soda was gone.
I asked who did it and they both said neither of them did it. So I told them they couldn't have snacks that we had just bought at the store. Jackson said "I didn't do it mommy. Maybe it was Jesus." lol. I laughed outloud. He's been talking a lot about Jesus lately. On a side note he asked me who made the bad things in the world. I told him it was Satan, or the devil. And so now he asks about Satan the Devil. lol. Again, I'm laughing outloud. It's cute. Anyway, Sadie continued to say she didn't do it and Jackson finally told me Sadie did it. And I believe him. Cause he isn't quite into the lying as much.
Please help me before I turn into the earthy human woman version of Satan the Devil.
Went to my 37-week appointment today. Dr's orders to have sex up to twice a day. We got home, Eli fell asleep. Andy played PS3. I fell asleep.
Now? Andy's sleeping.
Wow. Ok. It has been so long since I posted that the format has changed! Omg. Sorry.
My computer broke.
Got it fixed.
Then............I got busy. I wish I had Before pictures! But I do think I will put up After pictures. So you believe me. That I was busy. Busy busy busy. (That's from one of my favorite books...do you know which one? Busy busy busy.)
Here's some simple math for you (are you excited??): Spring cleaning + Nesting + just the right book = massive, Massive, MASSIVE home overhaul. Oh, it's big.
Ok, I know, pictures are necessary. One thing I think I might have found was the USB cord. What I'm saying is, no pictures now. But I will check for the cord tomorrow.
I have no qualms with saying I am just too damn tired to check for it now. I think I am 35 weeks pregnant or so and today was like 90 degrees and some ridiculous amount of humidity. Let's just say, I changed my shirt and underwear three times and was still drenched in sweat all day. I mean glowing with pregnant radiance. I mean glowing profusely.
And I've been Craigslisting every single piece of furniture I could do without.
Which means...I been makin moniiies!! WoooooO!
Oh, baby room? Huh. Not this time. It did not occur to me, actually. Because I know the baby will sleep with me or next to me in a laundry basket...I just didn't see the point, really, of pretending this baby will get a room. Because he sho don't care. And neither do I. But I have been making sure the house is in working order for summer days with a preschool-age kiddo and a newborn. I think I've got it figgered out. (I'm a little sleepy/loopy, so I feel I must type out exactly how I'm saying it. Apologies.)
Except in all this cleaning and sorting and donating and selling, I've forgotten how to cook and eat. Will someone help me? Please! Please come over here and cook something normal and balanced for my child and me to eat. I am NOT a natural cooker (or eater when I get busy or when it gets hot or like.....now), so when I forget my foodstuff rituals, I forget EVERYTHING. Like, we've been eating apples, bananas, poptarts, cereal......is that it? Pretty much. Spaghetti. Toast. And that's it. Like lame old college days food. My poor child thinks this is what people eat. I even have a crockpot! I don't know. I don't know. I need a culinary angel to save the day! Or maybe I should just open a cookbook. Ugh.
Cookbooks. Phooey.
Ok. Good night!!
I'm listening to that sweet sound of my almost four week old trying to cause an explosion in her pants. Which she most likely will be successul at doing. It's a nice sound really. Oh wait. Except that I'm at Wal mart, in the parking lot, in the car, with a sleeping monster of a 3 year old. So guess what? That explosion will have to wait. Because I ain't about to....Yup..... I just heard it come out. Are you seriously grossed out yet?
I forgot about all these fun adventures. Oh my gosh. I wish you could hear this man, I mean girl. She is seriously so masculine when it comes to her noises. People look at me like I did it.
That's what Jaime has been doing for the last little while. Because I've been having a baby. Well not been having as in, actively, because that would be a really long labor, but having one. In my arms. On my boob. In the bassinet.
I've been holding down the fort here at home too. David's been at school a lot having projects and Army and such things. It's getting close to being the end of the year which also means China. So it's sort of like a crappy couple of weeks.
I'm experiencing anxiety for my first time as it's own independent thing. Usually I have depression coupled with anxiety. This time, it's just anxiety. The symptoms are much different. I have had post partum depression with both my kids but I don't have those same feelings this time around. I love the baby, I'm completely happy with her and everything that goes with it. It's the anxiety that is killing me. The shaking, the upset stomach, not being able to sleep, the fear of the near future, etc. I realize it's because David is leaving and I'm crossing my fingers and praying that it will get better once he leaves. Then I'm sure I will just cry a lot I'm sure. lol.
This baby is wonderful. She is an angel. I will update you more. I hope that you will share your stories. Hurry.
What did you do to celebrate?
I had plans, but we did not end up doing uuuuuuuh much. At all.
We were going to plant our seedlings, some sunflowers, and make blue and green cupcakes. Alas, it rained all weekend and my motivation waned considerably. Plus it's supposed to freeze overnight and not be warm all week, so it's a bad time to plant. So, later we will plant. Plus, maybe I'll have a tree-ling to plant later this week.
Also, we recycle.
I put my son in a daycare/preschool Monday through Wednesday from 9ish to 3ish. I hate it.
I love the school. I love the kids. We walk everyday to get there and he loves it.
Cannot.....manage.....mornings.
I remember now...the hardest part of going to school for me was getting there. If I could make it to class, I was golden. But if I hit snooze once, it was all over. Lost cause.
First week at his preschool, I was showered and made up and Eli was even wearing matching stuff. Week two is proving much more difficult. I feel like I know these people now, so what have I got to prove? They take care of my kid all day--that practically makes them family! I don't need to make myself byoo-tee-full for family! And so, I am slowly (but not so slowly really) talking myself into a slovenly downward spiral. Today, I had on cat-hairy pants that I tape-rolled...but they were not clean by most/any/all standards. I hadn't showered since some time this weekend. I can't remember. Probably pre-weekend.
Oh, man.
By next week....what will become of me? Of us?
Obviously, I need to devise devices PeeWeeHerman style to save time and add some awesomeness to our mornings. I need a system that will make mornings less horrible for me. I think the only way this could happen is through some sort of ingenious trickery. I need to think it's nighttime and I'm actually staying up late and this is what all the cool kids are doing.
Well, I don't know how my pregnant body is functioning. I literally got two hours of sleep last night and did a lot of cleaning and hustling and bustling all day. I know how I'm up. Because I love the night life. I'm rambling. This is my cue to stop typing and start posting.
Well, alright. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. I'm not sick of it. My pregnancy is pleasant. I am as ready for this baby as I will be in two months...when I am due. But what I am ready for is is to be cute and skinny(ish) again. Summer is almost here!
I want to wear dresses!
Paint my toenails without losing my breath!
See my feet without kicking them out in front of me!
See my...area again!
Sleep on my back!
Have regular sex! (Or have sex regularly!!)
Eat pie and not be concerned with my bloodsugar level!
Need I mention the copious amounts of coffee I miss? Of alcohol? Drugs?!
Well, just kidding.
But I'd like the option to only hurt myself and not a little baby.
I want to ride a roller coaster, go to a loud concert, shoot guns, ride a horse, drive recklessly, run races, hang out in a jacuzzi, get a lay-down massage, ride a wave-runner, jump!! I want to bend over in a normal way that I don't even think about. To sit in a normal way and not have to lean back to make room for my legs to move. I want to not make jokes about my growing body.
I mostly just want to look cute. And for people to go, "You did NOT just have this gorgeous, sweet, mellow, sleeping-through-the-night baby! You look so skinny!" And I'll just smile at my baby and only he will know what grueling hell he put me through. Well, him and every mom who's been pregnant and labored for their baby. And I mean grueling hell in a totally shallow way...he's been a wonderful fetus. Can't knock that.
Ok.
Now you know where I stand. Me and this baby. Whose due date is June 28.
This is quite possibly THE LAST day that I will be pregnant.
And you are the first to know. As in, the 5 of you that read this. Holla!
So what do you have packed for the hospital? Or what DID you pack when you went?
I kind of threw lots of things in the bag. Because at first, I wasn't even gonna have to have a bag. So the night before I went down for my first stripping, I hastily threw together a couple bags of crap.
In them I included such items as:
A million baby outfits
A million bows
Like 2 outfits for me (which was not enough for me spending the night at my sisters)
A giant pad (OMG. I have to SHOW you the pads David got me at the store. I asked for, you know, pads that are big for post pregnancy and I got the things that come right before you get to adult diaper status. Awesome crap I tell you).
Some nipple protectors
A bra
And my convenient travel bag that Davids mom gave me as a gift one year. Best present ever btw. It has samples of everything you'd ever need to go on a spur of the moment vaycay. Give it as a gift. Oooh. I'm gonna make a post about it and then I'm gonna hope that everyone Pinterests it so that I can get popular.
I didn't even bring wipes. Hopefully they will have some?
Me and my son have been really busy with crafts and projects and bragging about it on facebook.
Or so it seems.
But can I tell you my secret?
It's a big one.
I sleep till noon. Every. Day. I can't get to sleep before 2:30 in the morning, and I don't even try to get up at a decent hour. I just let the dog out, feed Eli, and sleep on the couch. I am almost sure the mailman knows I do this because I wake up right after he stops by. (To deliver mail! Get your mind out the gutter!) He makes lots of noise. I am sure it is unneccesary and aimed only at pissing me off.
The secret to this is Netflix and a no-tolerance policy for waking me up. So I get up, shower, and feel sorta guilty for wasting the whole morning, so me and Eli do some crappy craft idea. Or a really good one from Pinterest. Or we just hang out outside so that by the time the hubs gets home, he assumes we've been outside all day! And why would I tell him otherwise?
So that's it. My secret. A big one. A bad one. One that I actually don't feel guilty about, but I would like to see the morning once in a while.
I will share some pictures of what I get done.
Oh, and I plan for this. I have lists of things to do for me and Eli so there's no scrambling on my part. When Andy gets home, he needs to think how hard I work and wonders how I do it all. And he does. Boys are so stupid!!
Well, speaking of stupid, I can't find the cord to transfer pictures over. So I'll put up pictures I've posted to facebook.
I just finished writing a post on my home blog about being married to the popular kid.
It's hard to get there though. And hard to BE there. In the popular spot. Which is part of the reason why I haven't pushed this blog as much as id like. Because it takes work!
I'd really like to be there eventually. And I know that sounds so lame and totally high schoolish but i want women (and men too if they want) to have a place to write and turn to for the real deal when it comes to pregnancy and raising kiddos.
I'm still pregnant. Probably will be for a couple weeks. I found a group on Facebook that is totally what I need and can't wait to be involved in. I'll share more about that later though.
So send us some blog posts! I have loved everything everyone has said so far and want more! Get on it.
Then I let people and my mind convince me otherwise.
I should've trusted my instincts. Babies will come when they will come.
I went to Phoenix on Friday for an appt and then again on Saturday to get my membranes stripped. My doc was upset in his dry humorish way that i was having this done when he was not on call (because I'm a VBAC he has to be at the hospital). He did it anyway. I'm 39 weeks and on Saturday was dialated to a 3-4 and 70% effaced.
David and I hung out together. I went to my sisters and did all the things I was supposed to do. Walked-ish, black and blue cohosh, oh and sex the night before. TMI? I woke David up and told him to get it up. Literally. Lol. TMI again?
But here i am. It's Sunday night and I am at home with my regular Braxton Hicks and a lot more leakage. TMI AGAIN! But whatever, this is a pregnancy blog right?
I could really use some positive thoughts.
I have felt frustrated because everyone sort of planned and did their weekend around me. I did say though, and check your texts friends, that I didn't think it was gonna happen this weekend. Hm. I've been wrong before though and there is still an hour and a half left of Sunday.
But really women, trust your instincts. Even if you desire one thing, there are just some rules that can't be broken with positive thoughts or cohosh.
This little one will come when she is ready and I'm so ready for me to be ready when she is ready. Lol.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I just took my dog for a walk. We left at 8:30, so it's dark. I figure, I'm a grown up, no one knows by looking at me that I pretty much have no idea where I am, and I have a dog. And a phone. Safe.
But creepy things happened.
Sophie (doggie) decides we must stop at this old abandoned house to smell the grass. I look at the house...it's fine. But across the street, this little scene is happening: a guy is standing at the edge of his garage and there's a strobe light going off in there and once in a while it flashes red or green. He's got horrible greasy-curly hair pulled back in a little shitty pony tail. He's wearing a collared jacket and has a weird stoop not unlike the Joker. By not unlike I mean exactly like the Joker. So I look around to make it seem like I accidentally see him instead of how I'm sort of staring, he's looking down and then slowly looks up at me and cocks his head in that weird way. I hate him. He's scaring me. Then he closes the garage. Now I'm terrified for whoever is tied up in there. So, obviously, me and Sophie move on.
Then the leaves start blowing uphill. And I walk as fast as I can. And this is a steep hill! But I mean, the wind is blowing, so what's the big deal, right? Then I get to the corner to take a break and let Sophie smell the Almighty Stop Sign. A runner passes by and I'm reminded to take a giant chill pill because if people are running, everything is ok. I mean if people are exercising, then things aren't out of hand.
Anyway, so we start walking. We pass this house and Sophie needs to smell. As I'm standing there, this weird, chickeny sound starts cawing and screeching from inside this house! It's a bird sound, but I have no idea what it was. And it wasn't panicked, just strange and probably telling me that this night has bad things in store for me.
At this point, I'm just waiting for some dude in Army boots and a trench coat to start chasing me or for a house to explode just to break the tenion between me and this night.
Yes. I take back my blog from the other day. I take back the happiness 100%. Except for whatever I said about Eli. He's still on my good side.
After I woke up and the homecoming feeling wore off, in the light of day I took closer inspection of the house. So my husband prepared me for a clean and upkept house, that's what I expected. Silly me. Silly me. Ohhhhhhhhh for shaaaaaaame! The house was in the kind of condition you would expect when you left for a while and left teenagers in charge. Only last minute cleaning. And ALL of it is done wrong. As in, I had to rewash all laundry because a) none of it was folded and b) none of it was all the way dry. Cool. I already had planned on doing thirteen extra loads to wash all of Eli's baby clothes, but now I have to rewash like seven loads plus blankets that were clean but left out for the cats to lay all over for a month. Seriously upsetting.
Also, we have wood floors. Wood floors and three cats is A LOT of hairs. They are gross and get everywhere and stay in only the most annoying places. Basically, like twice a week all the furniture needs moved to sweep under it. Can you guess? Andy has done this zero times. And he didn't do the stairs. I cannot express to you enough just how freaking disgusting this is. Like, I'm afraid I'll get arrested!! So I've been sweeping a lot (like with a broom) and moving furniture. Because my husband PROMISED me he cleaned so well.
I am not a picky girl! But clean means clean.
So all afternoon yesterday, I cleaned out the basement, purging style like how he was supposed to while I was gone because it's not really pregnant work. I threw everything away. Everything was disgusting! Of the baby stuff that I kept, it all needs hosed down. And maybe this is just bitching, but it's gross because my darling husband (i'm just going to pretend he's gay from now on. So he's not my business anymore.) put all the baby stuff under the open stairs next to the litter boxes. Do you know what I mean by under the open stairs? That's where all the dirt in the world goes to hang out forever. And lots and lots of spiders. And the litterboxes (two) are there, so everything smells like ammonia and is coating in litter. The reason I did not move the baby stuff sooner is because it was hidden behind even more ridiculous stuff and I just didn't notice it. But the basement needs wiped clean out before summer or else everything will get moldy because it's an unfinished basement in a super humid place.
This is a lot of talking.
Even though I'm still angry for marrying such a poop, I'll digress.
*a house that smelled normal (not expected) *a very beautful new purse for my birthday!! *some presents I sent myself while I was gone. *happy kitties (who are now contentedly purring nearby!!) *springtime daffodils in the backyard!
At this moment, Eli is sleeping, Andy is sleeping and I am listening to the clock ticking...one of my favorite sounds. All the blankets, towels, rugs, and clothes are clean and most of the dishes are done...and I didn't do any of it. The fridge is in desperate need of refilling. Shopping tomorrow. Everything is lovely and clean and quiet.
Poor Eli has been through a billion time changes in the last month--including the "spring forward" time change! (Whatever that means!) I am relieved and proud of him for being in bed by 11:00, our own time. That means 10:00 Illinois time and 8:00 (I think) Arizona time. Pretty good, right? My nice boy.
And, listen to this, we did the drive from Illinois to Pennsylvania today. With. No. Electronics. What I mean is minimal music, no DVD player (our fail-safe), no phone apps or NintendoDS (we don't have one, but you know), or any secret, technological distractions. Eli talked. And talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. He slept, ate, and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. He came out of his little shell this trip. Talking like this is brand new and completely welcome. And he's funny. And has a pretty adorable lisp. Or speech impediment. Or cute way of speaking, whatever. I said, "Stop." He says, "No stop. Aye-yaye," as he points to himself. Translation: "I'm not Stop. I'm Eli." And things don't "smell," they "mouse." See??? Frakking adorable. I want to die. Happily. "Ee mouse icky." As we passed lots of cow shit. Isn't that cute? Do you hate me? It's ok. I welcome your hatred. Because sometimes being a mommy really actually surpasses all.
Ugh! Ok! Enough of that. This isn't a diary. Well, I'm just happy to be home and relaxing. I just wish I already brushed my teeth.
It's copyrighted. Or it should be: swollen ankles = Swankles. I made it up.
That's not how my feet normally look. My broken right foot swells so much more than my left. I didn't have this problem with Sadie. I did with Jackson.
Do you get swollen? Are you now? What are your favorite shoes to wear when this unfortunate event happens?
Ok. Hi. How are you? Congrats to Hannah on her baby! (Sorry, Hannah, I know I don't know you, but I heard. And it seems to me you are due for some congratulations!!) Well, I feel like I can breathe again. We are not home yet, but we have one more trip to make and we're there. It was a good "vacation." Lots of fun and family, though not necessarily at the same time. As far as being pregnant goes, things just got pregnanter. Did I mention before that I'm less far along than originally thought? I haven't been to a Dr to find out exactly where we are in the ticker, but I'm also not worried about it. At all. I mean, the baby's coming whether or not a date is picked out. So I don't care. But this last week or so, I just made the turn to uncomfortably pregnant. Also, for some reason, people keep telling me how much they hate the term "preggo" or "preggers" or something. Two girls told me that! I don't think I even talk about this pregnancy like ever in real life, but they felt the need to express to me this very important opinion of theirs. I responded like this, "ok." But this is a pregnant blog! So I was pregnant on a long drive. A plane ride. A few train rides. I was pregnant at my brother's wedding. Casinos. Bars. Malls. A Cheesecake Factory. At Blue Man Group and Divas' Drag Show. I was pregnant while I drank coffee, champagne, wine, even whiskey. And vodka. Although very small amounts. I was pregnant and chasing a three-year-old while I did the same amount and same pace walking as the rest of my on-a-shopping-high family. There were two days where I could have dropped dead. I should have, too, to teach my family a lesson!! STOP MOVING AROUND AND FEED THE PREGNANT LADY!! AND TAKE THIS CHILD AWAY FROM ME!! Actually, my family was awesome about taking Eli and having a great time with him while I got a break. I went cloth diaper shopping with my cousin, the Cloth Diapering Guru. I can seriously ask her anything about anything on CD's and she'll know or have very strong opinions about it. I mean from how to dry this brand of CD's or how well this brand of diaper holds in poo on a chubby-butt kid. She knows all. So I had to one-up her and commit to prefolds. In the cloth diapering world (of WONDER!!) these are for purists. So that's me! The winning purist! Well, just kidding. I bought them because I really, really, really, really, really love how they look all clean and folded and put away. All uniform and perfect. It's actually an image I have in my brains from the old CareBear movie. And i love how simple and sweet prefolds look on a nice baby. On a sweet baby who sleeps well and loves his mommy. (Repeating mantra to belly.) Well, I couldn't find the scene I wanted to show my inspiration for cloth diapers (honestly, I've wanted to cloth diaper because of it since I saw this movie....probably 20 years!!), but here is the movie trailer. Because I know someone, SOMEONE will watch the movie. And love everything like when we were little and sing Care-a-Lot songs.
I think Jaime is missing in action. It might be that she has been traveling all over the world, or maybe she is just not wanting to think about pregnancy.
I am not full term! 37 weeks! I'm sort of having a midlife crisis. Again. Does that surprise you? Things have changed as far as where I'm going to give birth. I feel uneasy. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to meet this little one and I can't wait to hold her and have her and love her. I just wish I knew when and where and how this was all gonna go.
I've texted both my mom and my sister, telling them I just want a C-section. I know deep down it's not true, I'm just tired and stressed and sad.
I'm watching Desperate Housewives and and Bree was just driving and turning the steering wheel way too much to the left and to the right. I hate fake driving.
Do you want any of my stuff? I have WAY too much of it. I want to share it with you. I really am trying to go minimal. We only have 4 bowls. I keep trying to get rid of the 8 plastic plates and 19 cups we have. Only, my husband and kids keep finding more. I really think it will help with our dish problem.
Do you also hate that I shared that free link or whatever it was in the last post? Cause I think I still want to do that.
Anyway, I'm gonna go. Congrats to Hannah on her baby! Yay!
Just a few of the awesome excuses I heard for people not showing up at my baby shower. From people who has said they would be there and just didn't show up, or call, or text either. I'm sorry, but if my hungover friend can make it, so can you.
I present my feeling as anger but its really just a front for my sadness.
After all, we bought food for these people and cupcakes and favors! And I had it at a giant house because I was expecting a lot of people.
At least the food was awesome. I'll link it up when I post over there about the good stuff.
This is definitely a mail drop in the complaint department.
I don't even want to mention numbers because it just makes me sad. My purpose with this shower was to have people I care about come and celebrate with me and to share their positive energy with me as I get through these next few weeks. I found out today I'm only 36 freakin weeks along. Ugh.
I should mention that the shower was awesome regardless of how many people were there. The food was amazing, and so was the location. And the people that came! I am thankful for good sisters who went to all ends to make it special for me. I am somewhat of a control freak so they deserve extra blessings for putting up with me.
Anyway, I can't wait for you to see the positive stuff that came out of it.
In the meantime, you should totally go get a free Tide Pods sample. Here is a link.
Traveling with a Three-Year-Old while Pregnant Rules of Thumb:
Refrain from crying. Execute swats. Be prepared to use the "Mean Voice" more than usual. When said "Mean Voice" loses its effectiveness, then: Execute swats. Recite a daily mantra: "My child is a good child. I swear. I know he is. Deep down in his tiny baby-heart, I know there is goodness." Coloring books, toys, snacks, water, juice, dvd players, and the promise of food and/or candies all have their place. Ask/request/demand/pay as many people as possible for help. Help with bags or with having patience or maybe just ignoring us. It's all helpful and people do it if asked. Especially if other people hear you ask them for help. ...Especially if you're an over-burdened pregnant mom just trying to get from one place to the next.
Oh, wait. That's every day. Sleep. Pet the kitty. Sleep. Nap. Take a break. Sleep. Don't feel guilty. Sleep. And most importantly: Sleep.
I was inspired when I read this post from the Pregant Chicken. I created my own. I'd love for you to come up with some too. Remember, this IS the post office. Drop it off!
This guest post comes from Jess or Jessi if you aren't her true friend. Just kidding. Jessi has been a good friend of Lisa's for like, ever. More than 10 years. They've been pregnant together 2 times and are pretty much awesome together. Jess is a model, a mom and more! A model mom? We are so lucky and privileged to hear from her.You can hear more stories like this from her over at The Fox Thoughts.
1- Do you sneeze and pee your pants? (even if you cross your legs to "hold it")
2- Do you cough and pee?
3- Do you laugh and pee a little?
4- Do you yell at your child, animal, TV or any technology, etc and you still pee?
(Isn't that picture funny? I couldn't resist posting!)
Well.... if you answered yes to any of the above you must be pregnant and you are entitled to a freaking pitty-potty-party!! If you haven't, well then you are just one of the lucky ones.
As a teenager, I would listen to my mom's friends and my grandma talk about their pregnancy nightmares. My jaw would always drop when they would talk about peeing themselves. Are you effing kidding me? This really happens? I always worried about this because I have a pea-sized bladder. Then it happened. I was pregnant with my first son (third trimester if that matters) while at work when a lovely sneeze attack hit me...I felt my bladder weaken with each sneeze... "Oh shit! Did I just pee or ....?!" I looked down and faced a nightmare. Yes, I did just pee myself while at work. Being the only one there, I couldn't leave. I called my super sister and luckily, she came to my rescue with some fresh panties, pants and some chocolate. I love her. And she still reminds me of this. Isn't she sweet? LOL
A few weeks ago, I woke up with horrible congestion and a chest cold. I couldn't breathe. I'd sniff the little snotties and tinkle... and then cough and tinkle again...sneeze and tinkle ... Ugh. I messaged Lisa. "Seriously, does this happen? Or am I just a freak?" Lol So funny. Whenever I sneeze, cough, laugh, yell, or even drive over the bumps in the road, it's followed by a loud "dammit to hell!" my sweet lover will ask, "What's wrong? Did you pee again?" Ughhh. So embarrassing and awkward. My little baby likes to kick and punch my bladder which also makes me pee. This never ends.
I assure you, you are not a freak. Pee happens! On a good note, I've become a cold blooded bathroom hunter no matter the location. I can spot the 'Restroom' sign from across the store. That's talent. I am learning to control when I choose to yell at my almost 5 year old. Yelling = peeing. You can do Kegals to help with this glamorous gift of pregnancy.
If you pee yourself, eat some chocolate, drink your favorite soda, change your panties, and know that we all do this at some point. :)
The overwhelming desire to runwalk hobble out my front door has almost completely taken over. I can't do it. I honestly cannot even face another day like this one.
It takes me 30 minutes PER KID to get them ready. That's not including myself. Let me tell you about this day today. Well no, I'll just tell you that we got the oldest child ready with underwear, pants, shoes AND socks on. And a shirt of course. 1 minute (no exaggeration) later, he peed his pants. It was 12 o'clock. WE have to leave at 12 to get him to school on time. So that was exciting.
Even before this, The Girl Child was having a good time pouring water back and forth between my fancy Ziploc plastic containers. I was sitting here watching her as she walked from the kitchen into the living room to put some water in a different plastic container. After she spilled the whole way, I asked her not to do that again. She DELIBERATELY looked at me as she walked (watching me and NOT where she was going) back to the kitchen spilling again. With a giant mischievous smile on her face.
The Girl Child was nice enough to get her brother a doughnut when we went to Safeway to pick up a prescription for my burning bladder. So we left the store and were driving home and I turned around and saw 2 doughnuts with the chocolate eaten off the top. Her brother wasn't in the car.
Tonight The Boy Child peed his pants again and The Girl Child drew on the wall with a king size Sharpie permanent marker. You might think it's funny but it just makes me cry.
And I'm gonna do this again?
Right.
Can you please buy me one of these? It would make me feel A LOT better.
I posted this link today on Facebook and so far have only had 1 comment. Not that I think I'm exceptionally popular or what-not but I thought for sure it'd start some more discussion. Then I got to thinking (and really over-analyzing) and decided that I bet most of my friends are scared, just like this article talks about. Go read it if you haven't already.
My hubby and I were talking about it a little bit and he brought up such a great point after I said something about how society gives women who choose a ERCS (elective repeat cesarean sections) such a hard time for choosing that versus a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or sometimes called a TOLAC (trial of labor after C-section). Then he said, "But society gives women who choose the opposite a really hard time too" (speaking of home births). It kind of stopped me in my tracks. It's absolutely true.
Having had a C-Section (for a brow presentation baby, among other things) and then having a vaginal birth successfully, and NOW being pregnant once again, I'm being faced with a decision once again. Although a different kind of one. We're adding in the home birth choice too!
It's still SO hard for me to decide what to do. I've had a lot of pain this time around and am somewhat tired of it. I've thought about a C-section. After all, who would or could blame me? I'm STILL considering a home birth versus a hospital birth. Technically I'm not even a good candidate for a home birth because of the VBAC and I'll have to do it under the table so to speak. Which is lame. The midwife in my area is not allowed to see me as a patient if she knows I've had a VBAC. There are laws against it. REALLY? there are laws against my choice in how to birth? I'm an angry mama which is not good for me or my baby. lol
At my most recent doctors appoinment I had to sign my TOLAC waiver with all the risks and warnings of doing a VBAC. I can't wait to show it to you. Towards the bottom I had to initial such statements as, "I understand that having a VBAC presents less risk than a ERCS" And, "I understand that I am more likely to have success with a VBAC than a ERCS" and "I understand that that risk of uteren rupture is less than one percent" and "I understand that recovery will be less complicated with a VBAC than that of a ERCS". Just so you know, 60-80% of VBACs are successful [1].
That made me feel happy. And sad too because I sometime think we skip the fine print of all this ERCS versus VBAC. And that is, information! And options!
I'm not going to sit here and try and convince you to change your mind about either choice. I just want women to be informed! I mostly want women to realize that if they are seeing a doctor who refuses to do VBACs or lives near a hospital that won't do them either, that their choice as birthing woman is being taken away! The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) has issued guidelines stating that "[2]it “should be attempted in institutions equipped to respond to emergencies with physicians immediately available to provide emergency care.”[3] In practice, this translated into 24-hour in-house anesthesia and OB coverage, a requirement that often only large, tertiary hospitals could guarantee." Therefore many hospitals, including the one I live near have chosen to not to offer the option of it! In fact, after I visited my local hospital for the first emergency visit I had, I called the hospital to ask if they deliver VBACs there. The nurse i spoke to said this, "I haven't seen a VBAC here in at least 16 years.". I then called a doctor in the area and at first was told that no, this doctor did not deliver VBACs. I then added that I have already had a successful one. She put me on hold and after several minutes came back on the line and said, "Yes, he'll see you as a patient if you've had a previous successful VBAC" then added that I'd need to come in to be seen first.
The second time I went to this same hospital, it was as if I was a leper. They asked me who my doctor was. I said I didn't have one here because I am a VBAC patient. "Oooooh", they would all say and not even ask more questions. So then I asked one nurse why it was that they didn't offer them there. She said it was because of things like, funding, and the problem with not having a 24 hour anesthesiologist, etc. But she didn't really know! This is where the problem lies! Let us be informed!
With my second baby, I was pretty determined to try a TOLAC and went on an adventure to find a doctor in the Phoenix/Mesa area that would take me as a patient. My sister used a resource she had to ask around and recieved only 2 referrals for doctors. I called the first and she only took 2 VBAC patients a month. And that quota had been filled. That's when I found Dr. Kells at Boojum Obstetrics. He did my 2nd and he's been my doctor for this pregnancy as well. But should it be this hard?
I guess I'm feeling frustrated at my lack of options and choices. I live in Paulden. I'm 45 minutes from the nearest hospital which doesn't even technically do VBACS. So then my choice is to go to a hospital 2.5 hours away to deliver with my current doctor which would be fine if all goes well and I'm overdue and have my membranes stripped (as it was with my 2nd baby). But what if that doesn't happen? I also don't really have the option to do a HBAC (home birth after C-section) because in the state of Arizona, I can't even have a midwife! I'm lucky enough to have a friend who is studying to become a midwife and has offered her services to me. I also have a sister in law who is a nurse and has 5 kids of her own that I might ask to attend as well. But really? I have to go all Mission Impossible style just to have my baby the way I like! I like my friends recommendation. She said to deliver at home, and call the ambulance when I'm crowning. lol!
Anyway, this really turned into a jumbled mess. I really want to know what your thoughts are. Let's have a discussion here. Please?
[1] Mayoclinic.com VBAC. 04/30/10 [2] Stand and Deliver: Risk Calculus of VBAC and ERCS. 04/01/08 [3] ACOG Practice Bulletin No. 5, July 1999, “Vaginal Birth After Previous Cesarean Section.” According to the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN), over 300 hospitals have banned VBACs since 1999. ICAN is currently compiling a comprehensive list of the status of VBAC in every U.S. hospital. See ICAN's VBAC Policy Database.
We've got our first guest poster and we're thrilled. Terina from The Maldonado's is a friend of mine (Lisa's) from childhood. If you consider childhood your teenage years. She has red hair and so do I therefore she's pretty much awesome on my scale. Enjoy! And thanks Terina!
You know what I absolutely love the most about being pregnant?(When I say love really I mean the thing I completely hate)Gas.You know how it just happens, if you’re like me, all the time.I’ve turned into that nasty old person I hate at the grocery store.I happily let one rip while picking my produce, because if it’s coming out, it’s not going to make me miserable staying in!I’ve gotten to the point, I don’t care if it smells, if people hear me, or know it’s me, I just don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t let it out.Yeah I’ve gotten to be nasty like that.And no, I don’t care, and I don’t care what you think about that.
If you’ve ever been pregnant you probably understand why.If you’ve never been pregnant or were just lucky enough to not have miserable gas let me tell you why I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about me as long as the gas is coming out.
If it doesn’t come out it’s staying in!Let me tell you a little what that feels like.A little like someone crammed a giant ball into your stomach (let us not forget there is already a baby growing in there taking up the majority of the room, so this ball is in addition to the uterus containing the human you are growing).It is covered in acid that is eating you alive from the inside out.You know the only way to alleviate the pain caused by the giant acid bomb is to burp or fart.So that’s pretty much all you want to do in life is burp or fart.Every move you make hurts, laying down, sitting, pretty much just being alive.You start to feel a little unhuman as your body is being taken over by the pain. As this giant ball moves it hurts more, in other places.You feel it moving and know relief has to be coming, it’s working its way out.
Finally the point comes where you just let one rip.A giant fart that would make any hillbilly proud.This is what I call a gas-gasm.Why?Because it’s a little reminiscent of an orgasm.How in the world is passing gas, like an orgasm?Well let me tell you.You have to build up to an orgasm, you build up to it, you feel it coming, and you can’t wait for it.Then all of the sudden….WHAM!Best feeling EVER!!!You might even sigh or let out a light moan after.Oh the joy of an orgasm.Same with pregnant gas.It builds up, you can feel it coming, and you just can’t wait for it.The RIPPPPP!Best feeling EVER!!!!No more pain.You’re human again.You might even let out a sigh, or little moan of relief.You just had a gas-gasm!
Now if only orgasms could occur as often during pregnancy as gas-gasms do, that would be lovely now wouldn’t it!!!!
How was your Valentine's Day? Oh? That good? How wonderful for you. I'm truly happy for you. So so so ........... so happy. For you. I'm sure we're all pretty equally cynical about this day. Which really we all know just means we all jealous of happy people! But that's not what I'm writing about! I won't tell you how my husband promised me since last week that I'm getting something so cool. So you won't know how he came home from work early, took a nap, and when I asked him where my present is (I don't ever beat around the bush), he told me. Oh! But I'm not telling you, am I? Right. So I definitely won't tell you that he needed to go pick it up, but he just never has enough time. Probably for this. (This is one thing that Valentine's Day is very good for. We all know it's coming. Make the freaking time. Even if it's for socks.) Obviously, he doesn't have anything for me, right? Or he really does but is sooo busy. Well, here's a secret: I'm married to him. I know just how much time he has or doesn't have. Guess what? He HAS time. He's busy, but has a very regular schedule. Like an old man. I guess I'm sharing now. But where are my socks? So Andy goes to class and chats me on facebook. He just ordered my present. ........ Oh, and not just any present, he just ordered me my Valentine/Birthday present. Phew! Two birds with one stone! Way to go, Slick. Does he really think a late V-Day gift counts as a birthday gift too? My birthday is March 1. What do you think he got me? BUT, if he upgraded the broom to a Roomba, I could actually make this happen: (!!!)
Or maybe he got me some of this: Anyway, I ordered heart-shaped pizza for me and Eli and Andy. And I gave Eli his Inside-Out-Boy pajamas for Valentine's Day. I'll have pictures for that....soooooon. I promise!! I really wish I had friends close by! Lisa! So days like this don't suck so hard. I forgot to make it fun with/for Eli too. So now I feel guilty.
Not really. But I am going to act like her right now. Well, no i'm not. I'm just gonna rant a little bit. What's up with stalkers?
Like the people you know don't like you but stalk your Facebook page or your blog or your life? What do you do about them? Pretend they don't exist?
And why do you stalk people you don't like or talk to anymore? lol. We all do it.
I'm just wondering where the obsession with all of this comes from? Is that why Facebook and blogs and Twitter and Tumblr were all created? It's pretty easy to track someone down even if they've blocked you from viewing their "private" profile on Facebook. It's a guarantee you know someone who knows them. You know exactly how to casually ask, "Hey, how's that skank such-and-such doing?" except you don't use those kinds of names. Well hopefully anyway. Well hopefully you do.
The anger inside me is built up right now. My sister tells me anger is a disguised feeling of some underlying emotion, usually sadness, hurt or scaredness.
I wish I didn't have to wear ANYTHING with an elastic band for a waist. So that pretty much means i wish I didn't have to wear pants. Of any kind. This might be contributing to my anger.
Not a lot of people know about this blog (YET) so it's safer than the super public one yet I know I'm being heard even if its only Jaime listening.
So there's some issues with some ladies I used to know. One is super pissed at me because she thinks I spread rumors about her. It's completely untrue. I would totally feel more bad about it but I didn't do it. I just tried to write her on Facebook and I knew she wouldn't respond. But I know she got it! So it's irritating me. The other girl somewhat pretends that we're still friends because we have so many mutual ones. It's a weird situation. She's angry at me because I haven't come to see her baby. Which is totally legitimate. It's just kind of a long story. And then there's my mom who's pissed at me for asking someone else to host my baby shower because I got the distinct impression she didn't want to from various things she said to me. "I've hosted the last 2, isn't it your mother-in-laws turn?" There's more. But I'm just so grossed out really. I really try to figure out my part in these situations and even when I do I can't figure out why it's worth it for me to worry.
Whose blogs/Facebook pages/Twitters do you stalk? Don't lie. We know you do it.
Yup. It's Lisa and Jaime's TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY! If we were lesbians, we'd hold hands and buy organic food and burn soy candles over a vegan dinner to celebrate! And probably listen to Enya. But it is our celebration of ten years of friendship! And do you know what? Between you and me...it's pretty glorious. I don't want to get supercorny, but she's the best a person could even hope for. We've been friends through dozens of men (ha!), different states, changing financial status, pregnancies, kids, religion, the works! She makes me happy and content and feel stable (which is pretty much EVERYTHING to me these days) all the time. Because I know that I have a lovely girl with lovely princess hair who will always be on my side, even when I'm wrong! (And I do make VERY bad decisions. It's like my thing.) Not only that, but I know that even if I want to leave PA and move to AZ (2000ish mile difference that there), she would probably rent a wreck and come rescue me. And it would probably be hilarious and awesome! Did I say probably? Come on, me. Ok, I know it would be great. Because everything we do together is great. It's actually pretty freaking entertaining. So, Happy Anniversary! Everybody should celebrate friendships like this! Old friends, new friends, best friends, far-away friends, imaginary friends, even if you celebrate the friendship between you and your husband! It all works. Recognize that friendship really is the foundation of your whole life! And respect it. And THROW A PARTY!!
PAJAMA PARTY PAJAMA/POPCORN/CEREAL PARTY HARRY POTTER PARTY PREGNANT PARTY (it's just like a fat-kid party) FAT-KID PARTY CHEESES OF THE GROCERY STORE PARTY NAPPING PARTY SHOVELING MY DRIVEWAY PARTY MASK PARTY
Ugh. Well, today was the worst. And I don't even know why! Do you do that? I blame days like this strictly on pregnancy. It makes me feel like maybe I won't have bad days once I have this baby! But I'm pretty sure I've had tired, moody days before pregnancy took over. But headaches and overwhelming tiredness DO go away after baby's born....but not for a while...huh. Oh.
I wish I could say I got in a few episodes of a decent show, listened to decent music, or cooked/ordered decent food. But really, me and my son ate Italian Ice and canned beans and chocolate-almond milk. And we watched Spongebob. All day. You know, I may have found the source of my headache and probably for wanting to die all day.
It's much more fun pretending my child is in the kitchen building me a robot instead of just making a crapfest in there for me to clean up. So I'll pretend a little longer.
Through the magic of Facebook, I did find a neato video which I will share now. It is milder than the rest from these guys.
Well, it's later now and I feel better. Soda always works on headaches and queasiness. Queasy? That word alone makes me feel queasy. I wish I could stop saying it! Queasy.
I let my three-year-old stay up til 11:30, which means I get to sleep in in the morning! I know that's irresponsible.
Ok, goodnight! P.S. Will someone send me an Ipod? And make sure you send directions since I've never used one. Can you also send me lovely dreams? Please and thank you.
What are those dang lyrics? Come to find out I've had them all wrong. I was always singing, "acid indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea". I knew I was missing something before that. Turns out the lyrics to the all famous Pepto Bismol commercial go like this: (well the important part):
It's 2 freakin 30 in the morning and that's what I'm looking up on the internet? Sounds shady to me. Well not if you're pregnant and miserable I guess. Ive pretty much had all these symptoms for all the months. But especially now. Any ladies with me? If not, you will be soon.
This post will definitely be a drop in the "complaint" department of the post office. Sorry.
I've never had it this bad. As in, this moment. I feel like I might be dying of a heart attack during some episodes. And then other times I get some relief when i let out a giant burp. I feel like this must be Gods punishment for... eating too much pizza? That's all I can figure because otherwise what is the point? Why would God allow this to happen to me? Lol.
A day later:
This is current time. I survived the night but not really well. I had an appointment with a doc in Phoenix that morning. I had to wake up at 6 a.m. to make it on time. There was no way. I was awake for 3 hours. Literally. No exaggeration. You know when you hear people say, "I was up all night with blah blah blah.." and really they were just in and out of sleep the whole night? No. For real I was wide awake. I would get up to get a drink of water, then lay down and almost vomit up fire, then I'd have to pee. Then I'd get another drink. Take some Tums, lay down, fire, pee, repeat. I even tried Tylenol. The pain all over my body was awful. Did I mention that I'm on my 4th UTI? It's so severe that it causes my uterus to be irritated and it extends to my back (kidneys). So all of this combined was not making for a happy night.
My sister, awesome that she is, after I told her I wasn't gonna make it for my appointment, called my doctors answering service (because the office is technically closed on Saturdays) and pretended to be me. She called me and said that if I could be there by 11, they'd totally see me. So we rushed. It was 8:30. We were out the door by 9 and my awesome husband made it there by 11. Fine. It was 11:10.
Anyway, this is becoming a long and drawn out sob story. Totally not my intention. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your suffering from all the crappy stuff.
*Crunchwrap Supreme *One taco (crunchy or soft!) *Drank
I love the Crunchwrap Supreme; I think nothing can top it. It is my perfect melding of crunchy and chewy (in a tortilla way) and that seasony, beefy, cheesy, Taco Bell-y flavor. Oh, I find perfection and joy in this here wrap.
The taco I get crunchy. I think the crunch is a very important part of almost every meal. The Crunchwrap has crunch yes, but this is the crunchy clincher.
Topped off with the sweet, but not overwhelming, Brisk Rasberry Iced Tea. Just the right amount of fruity to end the meal with an exclaimation point!!
This is filling, sticks to the ribs, and makes me feel like there's really no problems that Taco Bell can't fix. This probably isn't a healthy viewpoint. Also, I am the only person in the world whose digestion can handle Taco Bell with ease. As in, I don't get the poos. This fact, combined with the deliciousness of the Southwest, affordability, and availability adds up to why Taco Bell tops the Awesome List. Maybe even the Awesome Book.
I don't generally go for the number 10's. But I've sort of been forced into it since Taco Bell stopped offering the Chalupa meal with the option of Baja style. I know right? You now ONLY have the option of Supreme. If you want Baja, you have to pay $.30 extra PER item. Lame right?
Included in the #10 is a Cheesy Gordita Crunch, and 2 crunchy tacos. Also a large drink. I got my crunchy tacos, soft.
This is an old menu. They have an updated one.
So today I got the number 10. I started off with my Cheesy Gordita Crunch and savored it slowly. I recommend doing this first because it's the safest to eat in the car while driving. To drink I had a Diet Pepsi. I don't recommend Diet Pepsi for this meal. It sort of took away from the spicy deliciousness of the Gordita Crunch. The Cheesy Gordita Crunch is a great choice for anyone who wants a salty, crunchy, AND soft treat. All in one. It's totally all-inclusive. A magnificent concoction.
Once I got home, I ate one of the soft tacos with a Hot Sauce packet. It was nice. But the 2nd taco I ate with a Mild hot sauce. Although I prefer the spiciness, I do believe the Mild Sauce compliments the taco better.
It's not one of my favorite meals. I would prefer the Gordita Crunch with a Chalupa but at this time they do not offer this option in a combo. And I believe in combos.
I'm not sure if I should admit this, but this is an oldie. Yup. No offense to anyone who might be offended, but I just don't have anything decent to write. This is short and sweet. Please and thank you!
Two Anecdotes...
Eli and I were taking a lovely stroll in the woods. Snake! Huge, giant, terrifying snake! He slithered away having little or no interest in us. He probably forgot all about us, but I think about him everyday. I am now afraid of the woods, but I brave it with new knowledge and close-toed shoes. He was feet long with many curls in his tail.
I bought this wooden teether for Eli from etsy.com. I was asked about it the other day and this is what I said: "Since wood has some give to it, I thought that if I lost all my teeth, it might be nice to have some wood to suck on." I instantly died and blushed furiously.
Oh, the hubs was there at that last one and he had some inappropriate quips to throw in at the moment thus deepening the color of my face.
And just because this is the mood I'm in, here's a song to get stuck in your head!
(just kidding, I'm ALWAYS in the mood for this song...who isn't?? no one. no one worth their salt!! In my opinion.)
Lazy day.......everyone does lazy days. But some lazy days count more than others. Some lazy days, you just don't feel like doing anything. Those are the ones we don't count. The day goes by, you watch tv, don't shower, feel gross, and that's about it. But on days when the lazy is planned, it shifts to a whole other plane of lazy goodness. These are days when you don't laze, you lounge. Big difference. A whole world of difference. And if you daydream and fudge just a little bit, it is glorious!!
For instance, instead of lazing on this:
You can LOUNGE on this:
See how easy that was? And it makes me feel like a million bucks. Even if it's all in my head. Just take a cue from this guy: Admit it. Professional Lounger.
I think you get the idea. Turn on some Battlestar Galactica, bust out the Cheese Nips, and put your pedicured toes up!(Except they're not pedicured, because that's not part of a lazy day...that's a separate blog.)
Because that's what I'm doing today. That and ignoring my child as best I can. I mean i feed him and stuff. But he's on his own today.
